just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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