I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
