How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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