Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
