If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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