Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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