Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
