Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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