I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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