I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize