My Higher Power is John Stamos
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
