I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize