I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
