I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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