I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
