if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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