Dual....:-)
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
sarcasm needs its own font
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
