halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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