Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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