someone threw a dead crab at me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
