I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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