I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
