I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
