oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
