He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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