$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
