i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so let's talk penis.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
