I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
