He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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