I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
