I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
