Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
