We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
handjob tips. give me some.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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