So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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