dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
