OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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