Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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