just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
