she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
