Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
