I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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