Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
