Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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