What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
