He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
