I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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