Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
