I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How does one acquire holy water?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
