hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
