based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
