So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
