Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
