Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
