dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
