Umm I'm too high to move.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize