Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
