Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
These tits shall not be calmed
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
