You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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