Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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