Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
