Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
