My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
