Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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