HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
