Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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