the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
