Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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