One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
