dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
