i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
